My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
