Im at strip club and am horny
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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