I didn't shave. On purpose
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
