yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
