just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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