the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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