Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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