we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
