Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
