Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
