please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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