I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
