she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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