i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize