yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
