btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
