Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
