I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
