I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
