I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
