How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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