By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
