It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
