Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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