And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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