She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
