I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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