brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
