y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
