ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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