sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
