i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
