I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
