woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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