I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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