The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
