i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize