She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
