She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
