He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
