When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
