i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
