just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
