Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
