maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
