Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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