yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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