Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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