I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
