She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
