im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
