I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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