i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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