winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
