My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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