She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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