after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
