hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
