My room smells like vodka and shame
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
