I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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