So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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