a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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