You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
