3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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